An Intro to Who I Am
My love once said “write to heal.” so I’ve decided it’s rather time I listen. This story is a part of me I never pictured feeling comfortable enough to write about, and yet, here I am.
My mother was never who I needed her to be, and my father was no different. This fact hurt me at first because it either left me emotionally unavailable to others or the opposite, too enthralled in them. Their problems became my own and all I wanted to do was fix those problems. It became ‘my duty’ and I ended up forgetting who I was and what I felt in the mess that was everyone else’s feelings. More and more, people would pile on and pile on and I would let them, without boundary, because that was how I was taught to love. That was what love looked like to me, just letting people vent and throw their shit onto you like you were worth nothing.
I used to look at that version of myself with hatred, with malice and contempt. But I realize now that version of who I am is just as valid, just as lovable, just as smart and just as gorgeously souled as any other version of myself, especially the star that I’ve now become. I have grown so much in knowledge, in understanding, in patience, and most importantly in how I love. I know now that boundaries are important and necessary in any relationship. But also that love is meant to be given and received like it is in infinite supply. And while you may not mesh with everyone, that’s alright because you’ll eventually find your tribe. I don’t know what God I believe in but I do believe that the common theme of most religions is that their Creator is a loving being. So why have we strayed so far from it?
While I cannot speak for all of humanity, I can tell you how I have strayed so far from love. Being back where I started (my childhood house) made me forget what genuine love felt like, what it could feel like for others to actually enjoy my presence, to enjoy my light, my hope, my ferocity, and everything that makes me who I am. Everything that makes me Taziann. THIS IS MY TRUTH.
I am a true lotus flower, I have grown so much from the dirt I was raised in. Financially and physically, no we never lacked, but emotionally I was left to fend for myself in a world that was out to make me cold and empty and angry. So while I am more than grateful for the piece of life they provided me, I am also in the knowledge that I will never find peace with them looming over my shoulder. Maybe in the future, but definitely not now. And even that, is starting to seem a bit blurry.
But I digress, my purpose here is to love and spread light in every single way, shape and form that I can. It is to be a guide to others, to help them see the light within themselves. I do this through writing, as much as I love to sing, that is not my main path right now. My words heal people and they heal me, they always have.
I look so forward to sharing more of my life’s journey, the things I have learned, the people I have met and everything else I can with everyone who’s reading. I’m so proud to say, I am here to serve you all.
Much love,
Taziann Lux
